:: Purposeful Death Overhead ::

Artists écrivent de
"L'amour, l'amour"
mais que ce - que c'est, cet amour?
Est - ce que c'est un produit de la chimie?
Est - ce que c'est un voix joli?
Est- ce que c'est beauté d'une visage?
Ou
est - il un rêve qui ne quel qu'on comprenniat...

A week of Deuchland, I'm truely glad to be back in the states. I was without internet, daresay a computer for the past seven days. If you hadn't known I was in Germany this past week, its all right, I didn't know I was going until some 2 days before the trip, when an aunt I hadn't seen since I was four invited us to come. Oh my wonderfully sporadic family! My dad reply is basically "pourquoi pas?" since I'm on a French spree of words at the presents moment (though ask me not why, I hadn't spoken a word of French the entire time there.) I did speak/ hear Russian/Hebrew/Italian/German/English, which was wonderfully confusing; I spoke Russian with my Aunt Asya who spoke to her husband in German who's Italian and, since I didn't understand anyway would just start talking to me in Italian. Yeah, Opera is a "0" on the helpful scale in that department.
The trip was wonderful in bringing me closer to my dad's side of the family, of which I really know little about. Old photographs, uncles I hadn't known existed appeared to me, and even photos of my Great Grandparents. I truely wish I knew more about them, wish I had more of an idea where I come from. It's weird too, Asya would turn to a set of photos and remark how she was the only one left alive of these people. Or we saw her niece's wedding, and she would point out relatives that have died since. And I see these people on the screen, in motion, in gaity, and I can't quite fathom that someone can just disappear like that. Just Poof - and gone. I feel like I can never quite reiterate how precious life is. Because it is. You blink, and its gone. My aunt told me her history, how in love she was with a former husband of hers, and how he got run over by a car. Or how she had a six year long affair with a man whom she loved, but whose marriage and family she didn't want to get in the way of. These are all real people, not movies, not fantastical fiction. I got off the airport after the 9 hour flight from Munch, exhausted, but happily seeing my father standing at the gate with a "welcome back" balloon. A small gesture, but so special even so. I realize now, more than ever how much I love him, and how I'm still his little girl. How lucky I am to have someone like that, not to have to walk through the hustle and inconviences of the airport knowing no one is on the other side of the noise to greet me.

:: Alina 9:57 PM

hmm...going home on friday, which is a bit weird.
Goucher has become so much my home that going back confuses me.
mind you, at this point a lot of things confuse me.

Sam might be doing a New Year's Bash, and Ill be 19 soon (how strange and unpredicatable). And then i get 6 weeks of DDR.

Wasn't autumn a week ago?
wasn't Summer a month ago?

life seems to move to quickly to enjoy properly.

:: Alina 4:05 AM

....ma la su si vedremo in un mondo del miliore....

il duolo della terra nel chiostroancor ci segue solo del cor la guera in ciel si calmera....

E la voce di carlo! E carlo quinto!

Mio Padre!

Oh Ciel!

... and with that Don Carlo concludes. hmm...

a semester full of memories summed up in an hour of glorious music.

It went well enough, except that I ended up getting nervous. Wasn't nervous all day at all. Everyone kept asking me if I was nervous, while i was worrying how my dress would look.

and then i get nervous, which im still kicking myself for. I could've done so much better. My dad said I could've done better, I love that he tells the truth. Next semester will be better.

...Overall I must admit the feeling of being onstage is inexplicable, especially when your audience is filled with those whom you care about.

:: Alina 11:36 PM

Thank you paul for helping organize the astronomy night! Twas wonderful!
...for once there were wonderfully clear skies (along of course with below freezing temperatures.) Fun around around though. There was so much you could see....M37, the Orian Nebula(phenomenal!)Beetlegeuse (home of ford prefect!) It was quite gorgous and between star gazing there was much of the monopoly and hot chocolate/cider. Such a wonderfully geeky night.
At about 11:30 the group of bi-valves plus me and Ethan begin singing TMBG's "the sun is a mass of incandescent gas" at the top of our lungs...
Ended up at Paul's apt watching Harry potter :)
...and while i was driving back along the umcp campus

...i got mooned by a van of drunk college jocks.

how do you respond to something like that?
I was amused.

Friday was also filled with shopping. arg - I thought I like shoes. I got dragged across lakeforest mall several times by Jill (twas all in good fun) to go look at shoes. And boots. :D
...speaking of which i now how knee high black leather boots, i.e. my dream boots.

...yeah i sound like a ditzy blonde, i realize.

Having left the mall ( you don't believe i how ecstatic i was) i was dragged to safeway, where having found what she'd been searching for, Jill began exclaiming : "I have darth tater, I have darth tater!" I.e. she'd aquired the last Mr. potato head dressed as darth vador...

...what could I say to that?


P.s. The Risk game began last night...:D

...Ethan is going down.
...and Stefan will follow suit

...i plan to sweet and innocently take over the world:)

:: Alina 4:18 PM

Happy thanksgiving everyone who reads my blog...to everyone else, i wish you a day of misery.
:p
...nah


im not bitter today. Nope. I'm actually quite happy, seeing as I pwn3d the html screwing up the blog. It looks quite decent now, which makes me joyously wanting to post.

Yipee! You, the reader have the glorious opportunity to hear me whine more often :)


Tuesday I dropped Ethan off at his Dad's in n. Va and ended up staying for quite an enlighting conversation. Props to european dinner schedules; from 7 pm to whenever the conversation ends.

Anyhoo, wednesday dropped in to RM to see a few folks. What awkwardness! Kimmy was ecstatic - the girl jumped on me as soon as i walked into the room. Saw Hendel and Maddie and Berger and a few others. I dunno - awkward hellos all around? I saw Correll the other day, which was awesome; might do something this weekend, and I haven't seen Gittel or Jill or Emily or Sharon or the people I actually LIKED at RM. Saw the teachers. The IB ladies were so glad to see me - they're so sweet. Saw Frezzo. I wanted to tell him everything - Opera, the works; " Ha, I don't have pitch problems, you're an idiot" In so many words... I feel strange realizing I'm beyond Frezzo now. He no longer decides whether I'm good or can't sing or going to be a madrigal. A few of the teachers were also sweet, but there were a few awkward moments. I realize now how apathetic they really were to me. I'm not the best student, truthfully. 'Twas very tense. Hmm.

Astronomy night is happening!
Tomorrow!

:: Alina 12:23 AM

im emotionally confused.

:: Alina 11:23 PM

58 degrees and rain
perceptions change
but I am still the same

I am such a pig emotionally, I really am.
everything un-natural, everything because I want it to be so.

Arg...
I'm so vague when blogging, but I'm scared of posting out my true thoughts. There I said it.Maybe it has something with my education and upbringing and fear of becoming the "emo" child within me. If you're a good writer bitching becomes poetry, and when you're not it simply becomes pathetic.

Have you ever sat down and read an entire Livejournal or blog of someone you vaguely know?
If it's a good one you will find out everything. And its facinating, because people, though most having tendancies toward repetition and redundancy (as I often find myself) may possess a certain je-ne-sais-quoi ... that spark that illuminates the light to the careful yet casual observer.
Have as Livejournal ever changed your perspective about someone?
I just stayed up reading a journal for 2 hours. Just reading and marvelling. And I thought I was eloquent. Nope. The first few entries were intrusion; I was invading their thoughts. And now I no longer invade, and can only smile.

*smile*

:: Alina 2:51 AM

have you ever come to a point in your life where you realize you simply do not care?

More so than ever music has become the number one stress in my life. It's amazing. It's not simply practicing...it's lessons/opera rehersal/improvising/classes/bitching about serefina that have taken over my life.

:: Alina 1:41 AM

what a weird weekend. Everyone was gone during the err "break," the highlight thereof consisting of watching 6 hours of Firefly strait through. Which was wonderful. Stefan and I started at like 8 ish? and by 4:30 am were watching the special features even though my roomate was bed and trying to sleep.

Otherwise have been having philosophically provoking conversations with random people. Actually, Mike. Actually, not very philosophic. Just random chatter about people's relationships and friendships, and whether it might have been better going to a school bigger than your high school.

Truthfully, im kinda glad to be in such a close knit environment freshman year. But everyone's in some crazy pms stage right now (according to mike) where everyone's in love with either Dan or Nicolette? I guess things are moderately tense right now, except ive been too busy to notice, or else in my weird alina world. Anyway, I have my own issues that need to be confronted that im not really sure how to approach.

when you're poor your problem is money
when you're not, it sex
when its not that, its health.

:: Alina 3:43 PM

Relatives drove up on saturday for family weekend. Twas alright, except i got a concentrated week's worth of my grandmother's lectures in a total span of 3 hours. OY!

I spent the last 1/2 hour of good study time reading blogs bitching about chem with reference to Mardioski. I have much distaste for the woman, except now i have what seems to be a competent chem teacher (according to some -_-). Actually, it's been more than a month and im moderatly bored instead of being utterly confused. ARG! I am not used to feeling such in chem! I really need to tranfer to Hopkins! I'm feeling way too unstressed.

P.S. Goucher is soooo ADD.

:: Alina 10:47 PM

Spent another friday night hanging out with the group(s). Wait? Isn't that what we do EVERY night?

Actually, Max metaphorically dragged us to see Serenity at the AMC, which i must admit was amazing. Even though I'd seen only the pilot of Firefly, its a movie you can truely appreciate, but even more so if you were addicted to the show. I approve, and recommend it greatly.
...yeah, like anybody actually reads this?
Who the hell am I approving this for exactly?
You could care less what I approve or disapprove of.
I could just be typing things in this space, and nobody would really give a crap.

BLAH !!!!
See? no response
BLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAH
im unloved :(
OR
Maybe I'm so loved that....




nah





i'll go sulk in the corner now...




see? look what a decisive lack of an audiance does to people....


I swear it's 11:30 am and I'm not high.

:: Alina 11:14 AM

Bee - sus

Thank you Meg. And Melissa/Alex.

:: Alina 12:13 PM

Come with me,
come with me
And we shall run across the sky
Illuminate the night
Oh, I will try and guide you
To better times and brighter days
Dont be afraid to go...

Up the ladder to the roof
Where we can see heaven much better
Up the ladder to the roof
We can be closer to heaven



I don't know what life is. I don't know the meaning of the universe, or the future. But i know now how it feels to simply gaze at the stars all night. To wander the night barefoot, and catch the sun's glorious awakening of the earth.


A bunch of us gathered in Juan's room to watch Spinal Tap, which I'd never seen. We're maybe 40 minutes in, and the fire alarm goes off in Stimson. This is about at 1 am. Everyone rushes out in the bare essentials, me without my money or one - card. Stephan and I get bored of the roll call so we end up meandering off to the Hillel patio and talking. It's now about 2:30 ish and we begin walking around campus to all the crazy outer parts (not that campus iteself is very big, but w/e.) We walk through crazy brush and past the tennis courts and stables. I'd kinda wanted to see the moon, because i remember glancing up and seeing that it had been full. So we were essentially looking for a spot far from the campus light pollution. Once we do find one, its amazing: we spend the night talking and trying to figure out which constellations are where. We're there so long that I suggest waiting until dawn; I've actually heard somewhere that if you have the opportunity to see the sun rise four times in 4 seperate locations, you're leading a good life. What can I say? I'm a sucker for those things. So we wait until the sky turns a different shade of blue, and finally until the first rays of sunlight hit the top layer of cirrus clouds in a a red and yellow haze.

I suggest trying it; its quite a sight behold.

:: Alina 11:04 AM

wow - im moving in 7 days. Wow. i still can't take it in. Maybe because none of my stuff has arrived yet and we're way behind on forms and such. THe idea totally overwhelms me though. AAH!

It's like - it's still summer! It can't already be over - can it??

:: Alina 2:44 PM

i stayed out till like 3:30 am on saturday and thank God i was able to get to bed before my father said anything....

We had a fun time though. We were going to go clubbing, but with the extreme disorganization of both myself and Josh, realized it would be stupid, and decided to just hang out with people. Except by the time i get to his house, it was about 11:00. And so i ask, "what are we doing?" And he said " I don't know." I was feeling PMS- y so we agreed to go for ice cream (like I totally need it) and as we're driving 'round the neighborhood, Josh mentions "hey, Daniel lives here" so as we're driving up to his house, he calls him, and we end up going on a Coldstone run( it being the best ice cream ever apparently) except we realize that it's closed by that time, and end up aimlessly driving around Olney and Rockville. 'Twas crazy, there were police cars everywhere! And of course we had to rubberneck, trying to figure out why each person got stopped. There was one girl Daniel swore was only wearing panties, so we drove back around the block, trying to get a closer look, and then we saw the saturday night streetracers stopped by the cops. Anyhoo, we dropped Danial back and ended up watching random tv episodes and frantically searching for my keys.

Meanwhile, apparently my dad called Josh's mom and wished her a "good morning" when i got back. I'm amazed she's not crazily angry. I need to apologize. Severely.

Saw Requiem for a Dream this morning. My god, if there was ever a reason to do drugs, that movie freaked the crap out me to the extent that I, even though I wouldn't do drugs anyway, would simply be too freaked out to contemplate the possibility. OY!

:: Alina 1:46 PM

i have a big head
and my dad still doesn't want to talk speak to me.
and before he complained that i haven't done anything this summer, and still have been to lazy to cook even a damn thing, and so the day before I made a lasagna and nobody even bothered to try it.
and my dad just told me today that I owe him $56 for overusing minutes on the cell phone, when we have 4 lines connected to a 400 minute plan and everyone calls him, and yet because a few friends called me I have to pay the bill.
And our portable home phone broke, so dad took mine, forcing me to use the cell phone if i want any privacy.
and Willa didn't invite me to Emily's surprise birthday party, even though I'm friends with both of them and Emily said she would invite me if she didn't have a party, but she didn't plan the party, Willa did.
and when I came home today dad told me that he hasn't been around to often in the past few days, and yet the living room and kitchen are messy, and I have to clean them up when I did the dishes this morning before I left and have been trying to be clean.
And our basement will never be finished by the end of August, so David won't be able to visit.
And I can't figure out how to do the CSS form, and my mom won't sign the second morgage agreement, so I have no idea how to pay for college, even though im trying.
and I've been eating a lot of chocolate because I'm PMS-y and upset, and unhappy, and all of my friends don't at all seem to care about me, I can't get a guy to even call me back, like this awesome guy Joey that I met at Josh's 18th birthday.
And i just re - read the end of Tale of Two Cities and it make me cry even more.

:: Alina 6:52 PM

the Cutting Edge (65% dark, 43% spontaneous, 16% vulgar)

your humor style: CLEAN SPONTANEOUS DARK Your humor's mostly innocent and off-the-cuff, but somehow there's something slightly menacing about you. Part of your humor is making people a little uncomfortable, even if the things you say aren't in and of themselves confrontational. You probably have a very dry delivery, or are seriously over-the-top. Your type is the most likely to appreciate a good insult and/or broken bone and/or very very fat person dancing. PEOPLE LIKE YOU: David Letterman - John Belushi

My test tracked 3 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: %20alt="free%20online%20dating"%20src="

:: Alina 10:32 AM

DDR these past few days...so much DDR....

:: Alina 9:24 AM

I finally got my copy of "Important Things That Don't Matter" that I got for like $1.50 on ebay.
And I just finished re-reading it.

The weird thing about is that I love it, and not because it's about Rockville, or by a former IB student. It's familiar, yet totally different, perspective wise. And I get so into it, that I completely forget it's fiction. Maybe once you read it, you'll know what I mean. The title is so appropriate in that it isn't the grandiose aspects of life, but certain events, however unmemorable, that you're bound to remember.

:: Alina 1:02 PM

Okay, so my dad just got pissed at me....again. I know! It's like the 3rd time this week.
It's the whole thing with my grandfather. He needs someone to babysit him, and ergo someone needs to be paid to do it. My dad asked me (about a week ago) to do it....and I said no....there was a whole big shtick with him that if he was going to pay someone to do it, he wanted me to do it. It's my last summer before college... and i finally am hanging out and having fun these days! I don't want to sit all day with my grandfather. So after getting terribly mad at me for saying no, we worked it out, and even though I never actually said yes, I ended up being his sitter. Wonderful. I seriously told my dad that I didn't want his money, and I would do all I could, but I can't do everything. We had agreed, that while my grandfather was asleep I could go out. Since my grandfather sleeps like an hr 1/2, I could drive over to Jill's and play DDR. Besides, I spent all day yesterday with him, and it was truely the most boring and dull day of my life without rest, since every few minutes my grandfather would call me over (which meant running up the stairs) and asking to help him take the bus somewhere or do something he couldn't physically do, that I had to then explain to him he couldn't do. Then the phone would ring and I would run downstairs, only to find the caller having hung up, and hearing my cell phone then go off and running again upstairs to catch that. I mean, i really want to help him, but i don't want to be there 24/7.
Anyhoo, so today we had agreed that I would go over to Jill's after giving my grandfather lunch, returning to check on him, and then at 5:30 heading over to an important meeting at work. I turned out my dad hadn't left by the time I left for Jill's, so i left first. When we came back to my house to check on him, he had falled down...not sideways but at the foot of his bed. How he had managed such a feat? Who knows. Anyway, so (thank you JILL!) we managed to get him back into his bed, when soon after he fell asleep. I called my dad to tell him what had happened, and he seemed to start crying or whatnot, exclaiming that if only I had been there instead of playing my stupid games. Anyway, soon afterward I had to leave for work; I hadn't fed him, but he was asleep, so there was really nothing I could have done. Driving back, I got 3 angry messages from my dad about not being able to reach him, and when I called him back, telling him I was at work, he got totally angry about me going to work. I have to go to work. seriously. We'd discussed it, yet my dad went balistic. Still balistic. He won't talk to me, and yells at me if I even dare be in the living room. I find that unfair. I understand his situation, I'm trying to help, but he can't expect me to quit my job in order to take care of my grandfather. I see taking care of him as a duty, and I do all I can, but when my dad first asked me to do this, I told him to hire someone else. I told him I couldn't sit with him all day.

URG!

oy.... that's quite a rant.

:: Alina 9:16 PM

so i spent the day running between errands and trying to have fun at Jill's house...

our stupid dryer is broken so i had to throw stuff into/and out of a landromat in the middle of nowhere, then drive over to Jill's for a 2 hour session of DDR, back to my house to check on my grandfather (who old....really really old) and can't do much of anything for himself, and then to the mall w/ Jill to pick out a present for Josh.

Oh ya...and somewhere in the middle of this, I got my eyebrows waxed. OW! though not as bad as last time....the sad thing is, its not like a male would notice it...you know? We women spend so much time putting on this eyeliner or eyeshadow or shaving and waxing and god knows what else for a guy that'll look at you once and tell you you look great before leading you into a dark club where they can't really distinguish you apart from the other forty million sweaty people in the crowded area. Oh, and if your > 21 ( of course only those people) go to a club and have drinks, there comes a point where it doesn't really even matter what you wore....you look great through those rose tinted glasses.

A random/ kinda weird moment happened yesterday:

Emily and I were driving to Bethesda to go thrifting, so we're waiting at a light on 355. So this spanish guy in the next car over begins waving to me. Thinking he wants directions, i roll down the window, and look at him quizzically. He asks me, "is your name Alina?" Me: "um...yeah *look at Emily* He then says "I'm Marco, i knew you when you were 3....say hi to your dad for me" Then the light changes, and we speed off..." Later that day, i ask my dad who marco is. Apparently they lived in the apt. across from us when we lived at Yale place near College Gardens. That was where the family lived when we first moved to America from Eastern Europe. ( That of course lasted like 6 months, after which we couldn't put up with the constant fighting.) Anyway, i used to come over to their house and eat ice cream....they were really nice....I was 4 1/2, not 3, but our family hasn't seen them/spoken to them since I was 5. And our neighbor recognizes me 13 and 1/2 years later at a stoplight. That's just weird. I guess people don't change that much, but I was 5! I couldn't recognize someone if they had been five in my last memory....

Does that mean I look 5?
What a small world after all.

:: Alina 10:49 PM

so im still upset I lack facebook, when most of the civilized world has theirs.

also.... how pathetic is it that i regularly check my friend's blogs/xanga's/LJ's for updates?

:: Alina 6:25 PM

arg! where is my goucher email! Where????

:: Alina 7:53 PM

wow, half the summer has simply zoomed past me.

unfortunatly there isn't too much to report.
Working for my cousin as a secretary, still running after the autistic kid....

Blah!

David Taylor is supposedly coming ot visit @ somepoint at the end of this month or beginning of the next. And supposed to be staying w/ us. In the basement that's supposed to be finished. And of course isn't.

Oh ya, currently im typing with a purple finger. You might ask why? You might wonder whether i simply colored on it. No. No, I decided to do some exercize at about 12:30 am a few days ago and ...well...long story short fell off. Yep. Good job Alina. I was kinda too lazy to get it checked out, but I can bend it. So i hope it just heals. And it is getting better. Still I get to go around and show everyone my purple finger. Truthfully I think it's kinda cool ;P

On another, less purple subject, following Goucher orientation i met some really cool people! Yay for cool people at goucher! Okay i sound like I'm three.... anyway, that does excite me! Oh ya, if not mentioned earlier, while signing up for fall classes, i somehow realized that I'm going premed. Can anyone see me as a doctor? I'm excited for all the opera opportunity in such a small community. The only thing is that I have done no singing this summer. I haven't really done any musical stuff at all! I have been trying to self teach myself guitar, but with a certain purple friend, i can't really practice.

wow, now that i've begun writing i have so much to talk about!

Switching to yet another subject: I passed IB. YAY!
you know, i know it's not that big of a deal, but im happy. Part of me was worried....

:: Alina 9:57 PM

as you can see, my blog has been undergoing some technical difficulties that i do not know how to fix. Somehow, its made me want to update less...

but if you're still curious....

graduation = fun
I'm = done

that sorta makes sense ... the part that does i "borrowed" from Jai's abridged blog...

:: Alina 8:19 PM

And here's to you,
Mrs. Robinson,
Jesus loves you more than you will know.
God bless you, please Mrs. Robinson.
Heaven holds a place for those who pray,
Hey, hey, hey

We'd like to know a little bit about your for our files
We'd like to help you learn to help yourself.
Look around you all you see are sympathetic eyes,
Stroll around the grounds until you feel at home.

And here's to you,
Mrs. Robinson,
Jesus loves you more than you will know.
God bless you, please Mrs. Robinson.
Heaven holds a place for those who pray,
Hey, hey, hey

Hide in the hiding place where no one ever goes.
ut it in your pantry with your cupcakes.
It's a little secret just the Robinsons' affair.
Most of all you've got to hide it from the kids.

Koo-koo-ka-choo,
Mrs. Robinson,
Jesus loves you more than you will know.
God bless you, please,
Mrs. Robinson.
Heaven holds a place for those who pray,
Hey, hey, hey

Sitting on a sofa on a Sunday afternoon.
Going to the candidate's debate.
Laugh about it,
shout about it
When you've got to choose
Every way you look at this you lose.

Where have you gone,
Joe DiMaggio,
Our nation turns it's lonely eyes to you.
What's that you say,
Mrs. Robinson.J
otting Joe has left and gone away,
Hey hey hey.

RIP Anne Bancroft

:: Alina 10:40 PM

Cascade in Blue was awesome! The Grog and Tankard took an hour and a half to find, but it was def. worth it. Its an amazing feeling to stand 5 feet away from the "stage" and feel the music pulsing through you.... Kimmi, didn't show up, but a bunch of RMers were there, including John who began waltzing during a song....:D

Since i was actually in Georgetown, I swung by Eddie's apt. and we meandered into Georgetown. Unfortunatly I got lost coming back - AGAIN! and got home at 12:20 instead of 11:00. At least i called ze parents...

...btw...i didn't get cast in the wildwood show, but that was to be expected. I think im gonna do tech, though if i can do tech for moco dinner theatre, that would be even better...

killers concert is on wednesday. I'd really like to go with someone...*hint* *hint* to anyone reading... If i can find one or many to go with, I will go....tickets are $25

:: Alina 11:47 AM

:: Alina 5:02 PM

June 4 - Cascade in Blue!

im excited, i haven't had the chance to see the live yet ;)

:: Alina 10:45 AM

brief overview of the wildwood audition:

It didn't go too well, ergo i wasn't too surprised about not being called back. I felt really blase today, part of me not even wanting to go. After finally finding the place i got up and sang "Your Daddy's son." its nice to have the piece in my repetoire, even though ive been singing it everywhere. The pianist and kept up with each other for the most part, but there were a few moments which died. Then i had to read a monologue i hadn't looked at, and dance a fairly easy dance that i still managed to screw up (im comparing this of course to the Summer Dinner Theatre..)

Was late to Rachel's party, but w/e....we went to Bennigan's, then drove over to the Shakespeare Free For all Production of A Midsummer Night's Dream. Twas a good production, though a bit overplayed. Actually, the fairies had what looked like small lanterns, which created a really nice effect. Also, since the theatre was outdoors, I was amused at seeing a stage forest in a real forest. Ah, the little things that get me.

:: Alina 12:29 AM

summer plans: Beach Week
Wildwood summer theatre
work
Piano Tuning
Tae Kwon Do?
Dance - possibly jazz...
Guitar
Figuring out how to use the Cakewalk recording program
Gym - plymetrics?
Badminton?
Russian
Reading about bio - gerontology
cleaning
An MC class?
Getting David to visit Maryland
Scholarships
Chess
Finding out the artist of the spanish song "somo selmarco..."
GOFOR

Do i have plans, or what?
Oy
This

:: Alina 11:33 AM

I Think, Therefore IB

IB "graduation" was loads of fun; Hines made a short speech of how we should remember the halls and take pictures of the crap bathrooms, as they wont be there in two years, then gave us a 4 page synopsis of two years worth of IB history. Awesome.

oh ya, for superlatives, I talked the most in English and TOK class. ...Its a fact im not to proud of...but oh so true, though im sure Ersin was up there with me.

Choral concert went great, "Your Daddy's Son" rocked ( people i didn't know were coming up to me during intermission...:) There were a few, namely 2 mishaps, but Eddie and I were happy. It worked.

Also....I say Lissy! We might be going to hometown holidays on monday? Tomorrow= last day of school and yearbooks, i.e. ill be hanging out with Gittel for a bit, then saturday i have that audtion for Wildwood's "Grand Hotel," and sunday is work and Rachael Bday. It's not like I'll have homework...

:: Alina 11:28 PM

ok, so prom rocked. And my date rocked :P .

I looked hot. I felt hot. I got my eyebrows waxed (AAH!!) and my hair curled and parted on the side. It ended up looking soo good. Twas wonderful. Then my dress, even though a size 8, was perfect on me, and you couldn't see that i wasn't a size 8 beneath it (lets just put it that way..) The sun ray shaped necklace added so perfectly to it. Since the dress was all black (but nicely cut), it gave some shiney color, and the earing added to overall effect!! I looked so good that the only makeup that i donned was a bit of eyeshadow and lipgloss. Malerheusement, I didn't have time to do my nails (because the hair took so long) and i ended up being like an hour late to pick kimmy up. You may think "we'll you could've done everything earlier" since UI finished my exam at 8:15 am (phys part 3 wasnt as bad), but i had to finish the last 350 pages of Angels and Demons (Damn you and your addicting books, Dan Brown!), so i actually got started preparing at about 2.

We went out to Mongolian bbq beforehand, and since I called ahead (me, actually planning things? Yes ladies and gentlemen, it happened) we ended up having to wait about 10 minutes, even though they told us wait time would be like 30. They gave a little thing that lights up when we're called, but i figured had 1/2 hr and we were in Bethesda, and we're down the street from mustard seed....lol... so we ended up walking there (but it was just closing) and back and they called, wondering why the device hadn't worked.... Anyway, the food was good, and probably good that we hadn't gotten the awesome cheesecake, since there was so much stuff at prom and postprom.

okay, on to prom. so we end up there "fashionably late" at about 9 ish? Everyone looked really good, though i feel like I looked unique. You know? There were so many people with similar dresses, and and big updos. I'm glad i choose to look somewhat different. I thought i'd taken gazillions of photos, but i ended up with a lot of extra film. I met some dates of pple i knew ( i don't remember her name, but Humza's date was cool.) there was the main ballroom with a projector of music videos with the black hole of people dancing [ its one of those mob's where you cant actually see the middle of dance floor, you wonder how people made it into the center, and if the rules of physics still apply the vortex of people.] Then there was the hallway where it was light and people gathered around with mini bottled sodas and waters. That was classy and cute. Speaking of which, i loved the guys in the tuxes with top hats and canes (Hendel and Ersin). They looked like they should be 50. I guess it looks classy, but whats the deal with canes??? Anyway, there was a spare ballroom in which most of our group gathered and talked (Humza, after asking amnesty from Laura, proposed a small game of Dnd. Now That, deserved caning. Anyhoo, the last hour i got into dancing when they stopped the rap and started some latin. Actually i started dancing with Rob whose started taking some Arthur Murrey classes , so he kinda sorta knew what he was doing. What was weird was that Leon (POLO Leon) came up to me, greeted me and started shaking my hand. That was weird. I'm sure if it was cause i looked hot, cause I looked good dancing, or if i looked completley stupid dancing. That made no sense. Twas great! So that ended, whooho seniors 2005, blah, blah, onto postprom.

I was tired (just a wee bit) and so i got myself and Rob lost. In Rockville. Not in Bethesda, where'd you think i'd get lost, but in Rockville. I was so tired i confused the 5th and 6th exists, for some reason thinking the 6th was the 5th, and started going down what i thought would be falls rd. Not so, we ended up on west mongomery, then we we wanted to backtrack ended up near my house. Much death and badness. Anyway, except for general tiredness, post prom rocked. There was sumo - wrestling (great fun to watch), a mech bull, moonbounce, (and moonbounce laser tag), karaoke, prizes, and a lot of food. Actually im not even listing like 1/3 of the events and stuff. I'm really sore from the mechanical bull ( I stayed on the longest). The lasertag was great fun, but afterwards, i was amazed that i was doing that at 3 in the morning. The entire thing was somewhat of a blur. The really weird part of the night was when I went to get Italian ice and the guy selling it looked oddly familiar. I start going, where do I know you from? Apparently, he was Matt, the hot guy I used to dance with at Arthur Murrey! I ended up taking a picture with him, but it must have been so amusing for what appeared to be his girlfriend. What a night.

:: Alina 3:56 PM

wow, physics is not happening at the moment. At all. I spent most of the day reading Angels and Demons, (Damn you Dan Brown!) until my dad literally pried the book out my fingers. I knew it would be like this!! I like how im on pg. 256 of A&D, and im on pg. 36 of Lolita (not that it's bad!!) and still have not yet looked at physics which according to my precise calculations is in approximatly 18 hrs.

:: Alina 7:37 PM

...yeah, so I didn't get cast. I think i should have paid more attention to my callback audition; guess the dance was really bad, and i think i was way ahead of the accompanist during the song (now that I think about it.) Kinda wish I would've at least gotten ensemble, but i might be doing tech...

:: Alina 9:00 PM

Help! My brain has been taken over!

...I don't really know by whom, but I'll find you! One day! *Shakes fist*

I finally bought a prom dress! It's plain black, has a nice cut, and I have the perfect jewelry to go with it!

My family and I have developped a new system of shopping: I go in for a few hours and try on stuff like crazy. Then, once I have basically what I want, I call mom who drives up and we go thru another fitting room trial. This takes maybe 1/2 hr. Once we decide what I do/do not what we stand in the 1/2 hr long line. In total my mom only spends an hour at the store, and leaves without a "Alina already choose something" headache. I. on the other hand, leave without a headache from being yelled at, and everyone peacefully goes home. It's wonderful.

:: Alina 9:18 AM

okay, so a short update on the actual callback...

yeah...i don't think it went to well....

I spoke to Dan yesterday after improv (the last improv, oh the tragedy!). He told me that they would probably want me as a pickalittle woman. That was one of the 6-7 songs we were given to choose from, with little range and extremely difficult articulation. Its crazy. But he told me that since at this point they're looking for the people who suit specific roles, I should just do the song, they could always ask me to do another. You should have seen me yesterday and today. The song basically goes "pick a little, talk a little, pick a little, talk a little, cheep, cheep, cheep, talk a lot pick a little more." I was screwing up artic. every other time i did it. Actually I came up with a cute routine which included imitating birds with my hands on the "cheeps." (thats quite a bad ezplanation, but w/e.) Anyway, after I'd been completely behind on the dancing (though i actually had memorized most of it!), I got up there and sang it, with the piano kinda trailing behind me...i was really fast, and I didn't screw up! I tried some "hand cheeps" (ill call them such) but i dunno... I couldn't really remember what I'd done in terms of choreography b/c it went by so quickly, though a few people told me it had been cute, and one of the judges started cheeping every time he went by me. lol.
I actually met some really cool people at the audition. Guys named Spencer and Gil(?) and girl named Kelly. It was wonderful having someone to talk to in a room of people I'd never met...though actually, I recognized this guy named Randy whose Halloween party Dana had dragged me and Ron to. ( What a terrible night...) Anyhoo, I ask him, " you do MTC right," (and he's like the best dancer ever apparently,) and I go "I've definatly been to you're house." That was quite an amusing look I got from him before I explained why/how...etc.
Okay, so i didn't make the second cut, which I expected, because thoses seem to be call backs for the leads, and having sung the pickalittle song, I was realizing my not being a lead due to lack of experiance. But that's not a bad part at all! And that's how you move up, first you get small parts then bigger...

Oy, so I missed getting inducted b/c i didn't get my points appeal letter, and I'm behind on sooo many things (including tests....) My grades are amusing I must say. I gotta get prom stuff together, and the possibility of beach week, and also possibly study for my last 3 IB exams? Possibly. Not sure yet.

:: Alina 9:26 PM

okay, so history is done, and paper three didn't kill me!!!!!!!! ( though who knows?)
Ok

so, I went to the callback prep session yesterday. It was kinda weird, b/c the directors were all saying hi to me ( specifically to me.) Was I that good? lol.

But seriously, It's the morning after, and I am still exhausted. And all we did was sing and dance. The singing I can do - i have to learn one song out of the six that they gave us. Of course I have to pick the best song for me, though memorize all of them. That's alright. That I can do( and may i just point out how glad I am that I took notes!!!) Thank you frezzo and your pencils.

The probem came with the dance which was incredably out of my league. I mean, i suck at dancing, but even more so, I can't memorize and entire routine. A crazily long routine. I must of stumbled a hundred times last night. Even when we'd gone of the the thing a bazzilion times, I was alwasy behind on the piroettes and passechabre thingies. Oh my god, I am completely incabable. Actually, its not that I am, but moreso that I've never taken a jazz or ballet dance course in my adult (sort of ) life. And the 6 years of French that simply helped me understand the world "pliah relever." Beyond that, I was moderatly screwed.

So I got home, and actually remembered the dance, though I serioulsy think I only know like half of the dance, and actually just subconciously blocked it from my memory. I guess I know something, but it definatly seems to simple. So i practiced in the basement so i wouldn't forget, and then i show it to my mom, and who basically tells that besides the swirly turns, I suck. Thank you mom. But then, she adds that she supports me! lol. Yeah.

Wish me luck!

:: Alina 12:11 PM

I MADE CALLBACKS!!

:: Alina 12:02 PM

Greatest Audition ever! Greatest Audition Ever!

I auditioned for MC's Summer Dinner Theatre that i didn't make last year. It's hard to get in - there are a lot of great people in for one part. Alright, so my dancing sucked. There were two parts - a jazzy part and a ballet part. Lets just say I was bad at both, but worse at the ballet. My biggest problem was not being able to remember the parts (more so the ballet - it was all the same to me!) So we moved on to the singing, i got some water before hand, felt unprepared, but was pretty chill about it. There was 5 peope, not really that much time to get a panic attack. I was somewhat warmed up, I'd say, but not extensively, though I really think that dancing beforehand really helped! Anway, so I get up there with "Your Daddy's Son' (Ragtime) prepared. I know it....kinda...sorta...not really. And I've sucked majorly on the high notes. Knowing all this, I get up there and sing. The tempo was kinda (sorta) offbeat, and the second set of lyrics died, but the end with the "I buried my heart in the ground, when I buried you in the in ground." I get down on my knees, and then with " daddy played piano , bet he's playing 'still mama can't forgive him, don't suppose I will. God wants no exuses, I have only one. You had your daddy's hands. You were your daddy's son" I end up with my head near my knees, almost in a praying position. THe first time i heard the song done at Theatrefest this year, i saw the girl(who was very good) do it similarly to that. I just did that impromptu. Afterwards, the judges called me to them, and ask me if I was the girl that sang "Poor Wandering One" last year. They tell me it was so much better, and it was beautiful, and start asking about my taking vocal lessons. Then with the monologues, I went to a bathroom, and started really dramatizing the monologues, not trying to read them as I usually did, but actually tried to picture people that i knew that would fit the description. They gave me two monologues, (one from each show, both older people). The one from I think Annie get your gun, was supposed to be overdramatized - I had this line at the end that said, " beat me, violate me, ravish me. I'm ready." I said that like in a cocky sexual manner, and they laughed when they heard it.
Okay, so i feel really good about this audition. I think I have a very good chance at the ensemble, and i think i even have a chance at a lead!

WWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

:: Alina 8:14 PM

I will be famous. Soon.

:: Alina 11:52 AM

I turned on the tv this morning and saw It's Ac. was on. And of course RM was kicking major ass.

I know I am a former Science Bowl devotee, but I must admit ...It's AC is superior. Of course, those that participate have to generously "donate" their time and their souls to Mr. Mckenna, yet I guess this pays off...

Compared to anything else in this school, RM quizbowl must be RICH.


The way i see it, its a training/breeding ground for more smart little quizbowl and Jepardy people.
Think of it - Individuals meet at It's AC, spend eons practicing together, and eventually win together. Then they go off to their big name colleges and win tons of jepardy money. Then these two former quizbowl people meet up...it's love at first buzz. They marry, and have smart little kids with whomn they watch Jepardy on TV every night. The little kids go through a few awkward years, - their middle school experiances include getting stuffed into locked and doing others people's homework. But when high school comes, (if they're not shipped off to Blair), they end up at RM, drawn immediatly into the bright buzzer lights ( very similiarly to mosquitoes) of Richard Montgomery's It's Ac team. They are now in the hands of Mr. Mckenna. This circle of life has begun once more.

:: Alina 10:35 AM

The History of our medicine.

"I have a sore throat."

2000 BC : "eat this root"
1200 AD : "That root is heathen, say this prayer."
1500 AD : "That prayer is superstition, drink this elixir."
1800 AD : "That elixir is snake oil, Take this pill."
1900 AD : "That pill is ineffective, Take this antibiotic."
2000 AD : "That antibiotic is artificial, Here why dont you eat this root."

:: Alina 9:13 AM

Today's audition for Washington Talent agency.

Was not prepared in the least, grandma calls me yesterday, says there's an audition today.
I wait , and wait, and then finally end up going.
Get there, there's actually no line, get a complimentary headshot, then sing "the Rose," make the 1st cut, then am given 3 songs of which to choose. Study "I will survive " for an hour or meander around then go and sing.

Was wonderful! I was first; sang/ danced my crazy heart out.
They'll call within three days.

I asked for a critique, was actually given one!

Was told - I moved well, but was a little pitchy.

Not too bad, I'm not expecting to make it, but was a good experiance.

:: Alina 3:06 PM

my father is sadistic.

So i've been coughing/sneezing/ and unable to speak for the last week (thank you Jen Katz) , but haven't gone to the doctor yet.
Everyone has told me, Alina go to the doctor, you're sick.
My cousin, a doctor, has told me to go to the doctor because I'm sick.
I have auditions this week. I can't sing because I'm sick.

Today I ask my dad to go to the doctor in the near future.
He basically calls me a wuss for "wasting money" to go to a doctor.
I don't need antibiotics apparently, i need to drink hot tea, hot milk, do weird yoga, and gurgle some kind of seltzer water?

These are the concoctions that my grandmother, my mom, and my dad have come up with.
Oy Vey.
(speaking of which, happy passover)

On another randomly fun moment, I'm going to prom with a really hot date. Oh ya baby! We're going shopping together. Let's just say she'll be wearing the pants in this relationship. And the cumberbund. Since we both stole our nun crosses, an idea of ours was to dress up as a nun and her awesomely hot priest.

:: Alina 11:32 PM

So....can anyone guess how I'm spending my summer?






Me neither.

:: Alina 11:54 PM

So recently (within the last few days) I've really been bitched out at...shall we say....two nun T's). As sopranos I realize we're all territorial, and all want the high note. Its funny, i realize this sounds like a completely awful and pointless thing to be arguing about, but if you're a soprano, you know exactly what I mean. Anyway, the two T's come up to me and tell there are too many people on ze high notes. I tell them, politely of course, that thank you, I realize that, and I am one of those people. They didn't understand this at first, but then promply began asking "sweetly" that I not sing those notes as there are too many singers....blah, blah, etc. I "sweetly" anwser that if they don't want three people on the high part, one of them can step down. Apparently that proposal was not greeted with enthousiasm.

It's quite simple desire really - the high notes are ooh'd and aahh'd at, and they have more of a part than I do. Lend me a moment of sunshine. Or possibly candlelight in our case.

Those two go to none other than Saul, by whom im soon confronted. He gives some stuff about how they were chosen by Saladega (.....no....) . Whatever. No point in arguing. From what i've learned: listen, nod, and then do whatever the hell you want. :)

:: Alina 12:58 AM

Come see RM Black Masker's "Sound of Music"!
Apr. 8, 9, 15, 16 @ 7:30
Apr. 14 @ 2:30


[She]
You dear attractive dewy-eyed idealist,Today you have to learn to be a realist.

[He]
You may be bent on doing deed of daring due,But up against a shark, what can a herring do?

[She]
Be wise, compromise.

[He]
Compromise, and be wise!

[She]
Let them think you're on their side, be noncommittal.

[He]
I will not bow my head to the men I despise!

[Other He]
You won't have to bow your head to stoop a little.

[She]
Why not learn to put your faith and your reliance,On an obvious and simple fact of science?

Refrain
[She]A crazy planet full of crazy people,Is somersaulting all around the sky.
And everytime it turns another somersault,
Another day goes by.
And there's no way to stop it,
No, there's no way to stop it.
No, you can't stop it even if you tried.So, I'm not going to worry,
No, I'm not going to worry,Everytime I see another day go by.

[He]
While somersaulting at a cockeyed angle,
We make a cockeyed circle 'round the sun.
And when we circle back to where we started from,
Another year has run.

[Both]
And there's no way to stop it,
No, there's no way to stop it,
If the earth wants to roll around the sun.You're a fool if you worry.You're a fool if you worry,Over anything but little number one.

[He]
That's you!

[She]
That's I!

[He]And I!

[Other He]
And me!

[He]
That all absorbing character.

[She]
That fastinating creature.

[Other He]
That super special feature,

[All]
Me!

[He]
So every star on every whirling planet,
And every constellation in the sky,
Revolves around the center of the universe,
That lovely thing called, I.

[All]
And there's no way to stop it.
No, there's no way to stop it,
And I know, though I cannot tell you why (sigh).
Just as long as I'm living,Just as long as I'm living,
There'll be nothing else as wonderful as I.
I! I! I! Nothing else as wonderful as I!

:: Alina 12:49 AM

:: Alina 12:02 AM

another post, what the hell.

( This story is about Love, the woman I Loved is dead. )

There was a boy
A very strange enchanted boy
They say he wandered very far, very far
Over land and sea
A little shy and sad of eye
But very wise was he

And then one day
A magic day he passed my way
And while we spoke of many things
Fools and kings
This he said to me
"The greatest thing you'll ever learnIs just to Love and be Loved in return"

:: Alina 12:02 AM

This entry is especially for David Taylor who claims to be computer illiterate and not know anything about blogs. Don't worry, neither do I.

As you can see, this awesome blog features random provoking thoughts on life, most of which Alina wrote during the wee hours of friday nights (because as you can tell, she has no resemblance to a social life.)

To all you fans out there who anxiously awaited my acceptance into Johns Hopkins, I sadly inform you that the undergraduate dept. stated I was overqualified for their university, and thus did not wish to impede by bright future by adding me to their acceptance list.

p.s. (lets pretend this is a letter for my sake) I hate bethesda drivers, I hate bethesda prices, and lack of parking.

:: Alina 11:41 PM

not a bad break, except my body rejects doing homework - completely.

I'm working 7 days a week, and i will be broke by may a la prom/HFStival/hopefully my new Ipod photo.


EDIT : Still waiting for Hopkins *cross fingers*

RM Black Masker's "Sound of Music"!
Apr. 8, 9, 15, 16 @ 7:30Apr. 14 @ 2:30

:: Alina 5:58 PM

So we're on break now
thank god.

I should start filling out scholarships for my poor ass. I needa money.
Anyone?
May'be I'll borrow money from the "Get Taryn and Ben A Room Foundation," I'm sure they have plenty.

Yep.

I finished my ib crap really late, so i have no clue whether im even going to get my diploma. Did i mention i hate life?

Hell week coming up soon, come see Sound of Music...blah..blah..etc.

...a play that will take every day of your week
every day of your life, till you don't want to live!
Paint every mountain! Paint every stream!
Screw up all the blocking...
'Till ms. Krebs turns green!

WWJD - Nun Power!

:: Alina 12:36 AM

I sometimes wonder how average a person i'll end up being.


On another note...

While I wait for my own anwsers and procrastinate my a** off


Ask me 4 questions.Any 4, no matter how personal, private or random. I have to answer them honestly. I have to answer them all. In turn you post this message in your own journal and you have to answer the questions that are asked of you.

:: Alina 10:25 PM

What do you think about marriage?

My mother takes me aside and tells me she wants to introduce me to a twenty - four year old whose looking to settle down. She says he makes $100,000 a year as some manager. She looks at me for a while. She walks around me. I stand there confused. She then asks what I think of marriage. I tell her I'm 18. Legal yes, but no thank you. Then she mentions - oh yeah...he's a distant cousin (like 4 times removed).

Okay, so let me get this strait mom, you want me to marry a cousin whose six years older than I?Just weirdness all around!

Afterwards, my dad and I had a talk - we laughed over the fact that mom and my grandmother have crazy notions.

P.S. I got a 97/100 on my history IA!!!

:: Alina 12:19 AM

Hereby do I nominate, for his second Nobel Prize,
A man who brokered violence and ruled through threats and lies.
But Mr. Yasser Arafat,
he of the scarf-wrapped head,
Has brought us closer to world peace,
by kindly dropping dead.

A bit on the late side, I know, but im taking this out of my profile and didn't want to lose the fond memory.

:: Alina 11:21 PM

5 days of no school, and I did absolutely nothing. Yep. Now I gotta pull a mozart and compose 3 things in about a week. *cross fingers*

:: Alina 12:19 PM

procastinating on too much stuff. Overload.

JENNY
Hey, Forrest, were you scared inVietnam?

FORREST
Yes. Well, I, I don't know.
EXT. VIETNAM - FLASHBACK - NIGHT
Forrest looks up into the sky as the rain stops. Forrest
removes his helmet. The stars emerge from behind the clouds.

FORREST (V.O.)
Sometimes it would stop raining long enough for the stars to come out. And then it was nice. It was like just before the sun goes to bed down on the bayou...
EXT. BAYOU - FLASHBACK - SUNSET
Forrest stands on his boat and looks at a deep orange and red sunset.

FORREST (V.O.)
There was over a million sparkles on
the water. Like that mountain lake.
EXT. MOUNTAIN LAKE - FLASHBACK - DAY
Forrest runs along a highway. A lake reflects the mountains and the sky.

FORREST (V.O.)
It was so clear, Jenny. It looks
like there were two skies, one on
top of the other. And then in the
desert, when the sun comes up...

EXT. DESERT - FLASHBACK - SUNRISE
Forrest runs along a desert highway. The morning light casts an orange glow over the desert.
FORREST (V.O.)
I couldn't tell where heavens stopped and the earth began. It was so beautiful.
INT. GUMP HOUSE - MORNING
Forrest looks at Jenny. Jenny looks out the window.

JENNY
I wish I could have been there with you.

FORREST
You were.

Jenny reaches over and takes Forrest's hand.

JENNY
I love you.

FORREST (V.O.)
You died on a Saturday morning.

EXT. JENNY'S GRAVE AT OLD OAK TREE - DAY

Forrest stands under the old oak tree where Jenny has been buried.

FORREST
And I had you placed here under our tree.

Jenny's grave marker. Forrest tries to hold back his tears.

FORREST
And I had that house of your father's bulldozed to the ground.

EXT. JENNY'S OLD HOUSE - DAY
Forrest watches as Jenny's dad's house is knocked down by a
bulldozer.
FORREST (V.O.)
Momma...

EXT. JENNY'S GRAVE

FORREST
...always said dyin' was a part of life.
Jenny's grave marker reads: JENNY GUMP July 16, 1945 -- March 22, 1982 Beloved Mother, Wife and Friend

:: Alina 7:08 PM

Last night, amidst sponging up an overflowing basement, I knew the Howard Roark of the granite quarry.

and more fully comprehended the wonder that is Ayn Rand

:: Alina 8:11 PM

*salutes American flag*

Ladies and Gentlemen, last night's endevours have paid off.

:: Alina 9:13 AM

*CAUTION: REVERSE PAJAMA SNOW DANCE IN PROGRESS*

:: Alina 2:37 AM

I feel blah today. I've got work, but i feel like I can procastinate. Which, like with the IA, i definately did. Yep, i did about 1/2 of the thing this morning then arrived to school somewhere in the middle of fourth period. Awesome, Alina.

Whatever, at least i didn't spend all of yesterday panicking my ass of about it. Instead i went shopping in the Bethesda with Eszter and Chris Ray. Driving with Eszter was...quite an experiance..;) Traffic signals? Speed limit signs? what'r those again?

Whatever.

During English Loren presented a 10 minute presentation during which she said "um" 33 times. That's about 11 um's a minute.

:: Alina 10:21 PM

I'm really fat right now, but I'll change that.

Phew; now back to IA

:: Alina 4:26 AM

"If its Not a baby,
You're Not pregnant"

as seen as a bumper sticker on the back of a car.

I'd really like an explanation...I am truely confused.
Anyone?







Anyone?

:: Alina 7:48 PM

INT. PAUL'S BEDROOM - NIGHT
Paul lies awake, staring at the moon outside his window.

PAUL (V.O.)
I think about all the people I've loved, now long gone.
I think about my beautiful Jan, and how I lost her so many years ago.
I think about all of us walking our own Green Mile, each in our own time. But one thought, more than any other, keeps meawake most nights...
(beat)
...if he could make a mouse live so long, how much longer do I have?

He looks over at the nightstand...

PAUL (V.O.)
We each owe a death, there are no
exceptions, but sometimes, oh God, the Green Mile is so long...

...and WE PAN to reveal Mr. Jingles sleeping fitfully in his cigar box, chasing that spool in his dreams as we

FADE OUT:

:: Alina 2:12 AM

So i got into Maryland. Whooho - even though i freaked about it for the longest while. Actually Im quite disappointed - i got into some weird program called the College Park Scholars - apparently worse than Honors ;( I'm bitched about that, and ill see how to change that so i can at least be with others.

If I didn't get into Honors, i don't see how there's any chance of Hopkins. Oy Vey is all I can really utter at this moment. At least I'm in college. And I refuse to live at home.

*(even though you'll never read this) - sorry john :(

:: Alina 12:59 AM

valentine's day is so awful an invention that im not even gonna mention it

:: Alina 8:36 PM

Its interesting how the relationship with parents de evolves over years. When you're young and you do something awful, you pount and cry, and bring your parents each a cookie as a sign of truce, and all is forgiven. As you get older, nothing is so simple because you (in your belief) are right. You have three choices: to keep bringing your parents that cookie and solemly accept their faulty choices, or inform them that they are not correct- even if that means a bit of shouting. If you choose that second path, it seems that family you know changes. They still say say good morning - when you say it to them, they still eat with you - when you specifically ask them to, but a strange wall seems to form, so even if you bring out that cookie as a means of restoring order, they cooly accept it - "thanks," and keeping watching their movie. You're just another person living in the house, and if you ask about something, it is as though you're a bother, like you're complaining again, and all they're doing is compling with the orders of a nuescence who main goal in life is to yell and boss people around.

I see that's how the estrangement between parent and child occurs - waking up after some passionate fight that each feels their right about, one suddenly realizes they don't need their parents any more for survival. They move out, start their own world, and the parents ignore their own repressed feeling of love.

Then one day - years have passed, not one word, and a chance spill of luggage at an airport brings two of you face to face. You two parties exchanges greetings - politely, but not too politely. There's a moment of awkward silence, during which you each long to say to the other party -

some small talk, perhaps a muffin and another exchange of fake smiles. And then you're off, back into your personalized world, and you don't ever think of the other except for at night, when you're falling asleep, faintly thinking "i remember . I had a ..."

And so be it, you live , until one day, a black envelope comes.

:: Alina 9:05 PM

I despite being a nun. It's god-awful. There's nothing to say but that I hate it, every bit and piece of being the background, being unnoticed by the world! We literarilly stood for an hour and 1/2 learning a 6 measure piece. Granted it was a six part harmony, but it got ridiculous. It's completely unorganized without Frezzo. I also felt alone today :(. Half of the nuns weren't there, and i had no one to talk to.


It seems as though chorus and "real roles" are in completely different worlds.

:: Alina 9:05 PM

A while back I read Matt's LJ which expressed his love of peanut butter. I now must affirm his comment as I am utterly addicted to the stuff.

:: Alina 1:35 AM

Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Hallelujah! ...orals are over!!!

to quote Rebecca when i walked out at 4 yesterday
"You lucky bastard"

She was refering the fact that i'd gotten the same passage I'd done to prepare for my orals in December(The Walcott writers block poem). Life is good. So good.

It was wonderful: I spent about 45 min going through a panic attack before hand, then calmed down right before the thing started. I do not know what happened, I was just suddenly okay. Anyway, during my commentary ms. Showalter just kept nodding her head to such an extent that I thought it'd fall off. And I was enthousiastic beyond means.

That was the start of a wonderful day, after which immediatly came improv. I was about to rush in and tell Dan about my extreme happy mood, when I saw he'd been replaced by a sub was was asking each person what they liked. I, very joyously, replied that i had done very well on my oral commentary...blah blah..etc.
He thus asks "what else do you enjoy besides good orals?"
Me: about to crack up
John: "Alina, get your mind out of the gutter"

:: Alina 10:09 PM

Last exam was today, and I don't feel like a second semester senior. I
still have a bunch of TOK to turn in (some of which is my TOK paper). I'm scared
of turning the damn thing in, because it sucks. Justs sucks. There are no other
ways to describe it. I haven't done a bunch of journal entries for
the TOK journal, but really do not want a B in TOK. I also must make up the cnq
I missed last thursday. I'm not excited about confronting Hines tomorrow. He's
my favorite teacher in the world, and I feel as though he hates me. Of
course, I also need to give him a recommendation to fill out for Goucher.
Yeah.

I think I'll try to finish the stuff up tonight.

:: Alina 6:18 AM

I know I'm inarticulate, and sometimes, sometimes (sigh) forgetful.

Took Music/History exam on friday. I was quite tired afterwards, and, after recieving major help from madame Nugent in preperation for the French exam, decided to head over to Starbucks with my collection of Albee plays. I get to Starbucks, am rummaging through my things, and discover an interesting few pieces of paper.

Namely, the second portion of my History exam.

People, I'm waiting for applause.

Anyhoo, I rush back to school, and head to the wonderfully understanding IB office, who help me with my little problem. Did not directly talk to Hines, praise God, though he is the world's most engaging professor. Mrs...._______ <-- I've completely forgotten, but who is quite nice, tells me that had anyone else been in my situation, she would have have believed them. For quite some time, ah, i've remember the elusive name !(Mrs. Rachid) she's been telling me that I might have ADHD, and should probably be taking Ritilin.

I know there is no "magic pill," but who knows?
It's funny, I've tried to talk to my parents about it, and they ignore me.
I told my dad that it was like in fifth grade, when he told me I didn't need glasses, no matter what the school system said. Yep. At that point I had about 20/250 or so vision.

This morning I read up on the illness, and it doesn't seem as though there are too many side effects to Ritilin. Actually, the disease may include both symptoms of hyperactivity and spaciness. I seem to possess both wonders. You know, (and this is my out of order mind speaking), after the conversation with Mrs. Rachid, I asked a few friends what they thought. They said they could see me as having ADHD.

I'm scared of taking medication. I don't know how creative I am, but (and this may sound stupid), I know medication often results in (to borrow Dan's words from Improv on friday) creative bankruptcy.

On another note, I talked to Dan about my inability to articulate. He said it was good I recognized the "problem," and told me I should read aloud to help it go away. It's such a weird feeling; when I talk to adults, my parents, their friends, everyone tells me how wonderful my Russian is, how articulate I am. When I speak to my peers, when I try to engage in conversation, I sound dumb, since I always seem to get off track, and I take way too long explaining things. Here I am, taking too long explaining things.

Wow, I'm just writing and writing today.

(on another subject)

I love figure skating!
I don't know why, it's engaging, it's beautiful.
It's something I've always wanted to experiance.
You know?

The rush, the majesty.

When I aided the RM hockey team for a span of about 3 weeks, every practice I would, instead of watching practices with a group of sophmore idiots, sneak away to watch the figure skating practices. It was amazing - I saw little girls, maybe 8, 1o practicing axels, watching kids in pretty dresses do layback spins. I'm still young, I think, and yet there are so many opportunities i've missed out on. If we had a ton of money, I would try. But we don't.

:: Alina 12:46 AM

it's funny how everyone is updating today.

:: Alina 9:10 PM

I have a lot of work to do. so I'm updating. yep.

I recently bought a "new" "old school" ipod, i.e. the 15 gig, which doesn't differ in the least from the 20 gig except for a) space for a few more songs, b) a clicker on the control circle thing (which I don't like) and of course c) it costs more.

So i buy mine open box at Best Buy, which basically means that i pay $188 instead of $300.
Ah the smell of saving in the....evening.

That's not the end of my wonderfully weird tale.

Now the ipod still had the previous owner's music on it. Interesting taste: Russian pop, full Jekyll and Hyde soundtrack among other music. coincedential choices...

I proceeded to look through the contacts list; a person name "JahJah" was on there. Now, I don't know about name choice, but i'd go out on the limb and say that not too common of a name.

I looked through the notes section ( my lord, i really invaded their life...)
and found directions stemming from a Derwood address.

interesting...

Now who do I know who likes Jekyll and Hyde, is Russian, female, has a friend named JahJah and lives in Derwood.
Apparently Stacey.

I called Eddie to ask if she lives in Derwood, and sure enough, he confirmed it was her address.

It's a small world after all.

:: Alina 10:26 PM

The other day i was going 40 on a 35 speed limit on Montgomery Village Ave. A policeman is behind me. The policeman changes lanes and gets in front of me because I am going too slowly.

God Bless America!

:: Alina 3:57 AM

A testiment to the last hours of Adolescence

I am not yet born


Frank, The dirary thereof

"for in it's innermost depths, youth is lonlier than old age"

"...in spite of everything I believe people are really good at heart"

- Written at the age of fifteen



I am not born, but am scared of death

I breathe
Inhail memories, experiance
Guilt trips, tears
Shame
Every day


I read; Romeo + Juliet, Death be Not proud, Death in Venice, Hamlet, Madame Bovary, Farewell to Arms, A Tale of Two Cities, Cyrano de Bergerac, Confessions of a Mask, Picture of Dorian Grey, The Soldier who Fell From Grace with the Sea, Whose Afraid of Virginia Woolf, All Quiet on the Western Front, Crime and Punishment, Animal Farm, Antigone, As I Lay Dying, Count of Monte Christo, Dr Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, Death of A Salesman, Flowers For Algernon, The Great Gatsby, Hedda Gabler, The Killer Angels, Medea, The Trial, The Metamorphases, Macbeth, Of Mice and Men, Our Town, A Streetcar Named Desire, Their Eyes Were Watching God, Where the Red Fern Grows
B R A V E N E W W O R L D

I wish.
I sing, I live.
I die.
It is the Point of No Return.

:: Alina 12:27 AM