:: Purposeful Death Overhead ::

Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Hallelujah! ...orals are over!!!

to quote Rebecca when i walked out at 4 yesterday
"You lucky bastard"

She was refering the fact that i'd gotten the same passage I'd done to prepare for my orals in December(The Walcott writers block poem). Life is good. So good.

It was wonderful: I spent about 45 min going through a panic attack before hand, then calmed down right before the thing started. I do not know what happened, I was just suddenly okay. Anyway, during my commentary ms. Showalter just kept nodding her head to such an extent that I thought it'd fall off. And I was enthousiastic beyond means.

That was the start of a wonderful day, after which immediatly came improv. I was about to rush in and tell Dan about my extreme happy mood, when I saw he'd been replaced by a sub was was asking each person what they liked. I, very joyously, replied that i had done very well on my oral commentary...blah blah..etc.
He thus asks "what else do you enjoy besides good orals?"
Me: about to crack up
John: "Alina, get your mind out of the gutter"

:: Alina 10:09 PM

Last exam was today, and I don't feel like a second semester senior. I
still have a bunch of TOK to turn in (some of which is my TOK paper). I'm scared
of turning the damn thing in, because it sucks. Justs sucks. There are no other
ways to describe it. I haven't done a bunch of journal entries for
the TOK journal, but really do not want a B in TOK. I also must make up the cnq
I missed last thursday. I'm not excited about confronting Hines tomorrow. He's
my favorite teacher in the world, and I feel as though he hates me. Of
course, I also need to give him a recommendation to fill out for Goucher.
Yeah.

I think I'll try to finish the stuff up tonight.

:: Alina 6:18 AM

I know I'm inarticulate, and sometimes, sometimes (sigh) forgetful.

Took Music/History exam on friday. I was quite tired afterwards, and, after recieving major help from madame Nugent in preperation for the French exam, decided to head over to Starbucks with my collection of Albee plays. I get to Starbucks, am rummaging through my things, and discover an interesting few pieces of paper.

Namely, the second portion of my History exam.

People, I'm waiting for applause.

Anyhoo, I rush back to school, and head to the wonderfully understanding IB office, who help me with my little problem. Did not directly talk to Hines, praise God, though he is the world's most engaging professor. Mrs...._______ <-- I've completely forgotten, but who is quite nice, tells me that had anyone else been in my situation, she would have have believed them. For quite some time, ah, i've remember the elusive name !(Mrs. Rachid) she's been telling me that I might have ADHD, and should probably be taking Ritilin.

I know there is no "magic pill," but who knows?
It's funny, I've tried to talk to my parents about it, and they ignore me.
I told my dad that it was like in fifth grade, when he told me I didn't need glasses, no matter what the school system said. Yep. At that point I had about 20/250 or so vision.

This morning I read up on the illness, and it doesn't seem as though there are too many side effects to Ritilin. Actually, the disease may include both symptoms of hyperactivity and spaciness. I seem to possess both wonders. You know, (and this is my out of order mind speaking), after the conversation with Mrs. Rachid, I asked a few friends what they thought. They said they could see me as having ADHD.

I'm scared of taking medication. I don't know how creative I am, but (and this may sound stupid), I know medication often results in (to borrow Dan's words from Improv on friday) creative bankruptcy.

On another note, I talked to Dan about my inability to articulate. He said it was good I recognized the "problem," and told me I should read aloud to help it go away. It's such a weird feeling; when I talk to adults, my parents, their friends, everyone tells me how wonderful my Russian is, how articulate I am. When I speak to my peers, when I try to engage in conversation, I sound dumb, since I always seem to get off track, and I take way too long explaining things. Here I am, taking too long explaining things.

Wow, I'm just writing and writing today.

(on another subject)

I love figure skating!
I don't know why, it's engaging, it's beautiful.
It's something I've always wanted to experiance.
You know?

The rush, the majesty.

When I aided the RM hockey team for a span of about 3 weeks, every practice I would, instead of watching practices with a group of sophmore idiots, sneak away to watch the figure skating practices. It was amazing - I saw little girls, maybe 8, 1o practicing axels, watching kids in pretty dresses do layback spins. I'm still young, I think, and yet there are so many opportunities i've missed out on. If we had a ton of money, I would try. But we don't.

:: Alina 12:46 AM

it's funny how everyone is updating today.

:: Alina 9:10 PM

I have a lot of work to do. so I'm updating. yep.

I recently bought a "new" "old school" ipod, i.e. the 15 gig, which doesn't differ in the least from the 20 gig except for a) space for a few more songs, b) a clicker on the control circle thing (which I don't like) and of course c) it costs more.

So i buy mine open box at Best Buy, which basically means that i pay $188 instead of $300.
Ah the smell of saving in the....evening.

That's not the end of my wonderfully weird tale.

Now the ipod still had the previous owner's music on it. Interesting taste: Russian pop, full Jekyll and Hyde soundtrack among other music. coincedential choices...

I proceeded to look through the contacts list; a person name "JahJah" was on there. Now, I don't know about name choice, but i'd go out on the limb and say that not too common of a name.

I looked through the notes section ( my lord, i really invaded their life...)
and found directions stemming from a Derwood address.

interesting...

Now who do I know who likes Jekyll and Hyde, is Russian, female, has a friend named JahJah and lives in Derwood.
Apparently Stacey.

I called Eddie to ask if she lives in Derwood, and sure enough, he confirmed it was her address.

It's a small world after all.

:: Alina 10:26 PM

The other day i was going 40 on a 35 speed limit on Montgomery Village Ave. A policeman is behind me. The policeman changes lanes and gets in front of me because I am going too slowly.

God Bless America!

:: Alina 3:57 AM

A testiment to the last hours of Adolescence

I am not yet born


Frank, The dirary thereof

"for in it's innermost depths, youth is lonlier than old age"

"...in spite of everything I believe people are really good at heart"

- Written at the age of fifteen



I am not born, but am scared of death

I breathe
Inhail memories, experiance
Guilt trips, tears
Shame
Every day


I read; Romeo + Juliet, Death be Not proud, Death in Venice, Hamlet, Madame Bovary, Farewell to Arms, A Tale of Two Cities, Cyrano de Bergerac, Confessions of a Mask, Picture of Dorian Grey, The Soldier who Fell From Grace with the Sea, Whose Afraid of Virginia Woolf, All Quiet on the Western Front, Crime and Punishment, Animal Farm, Antigone, As I Lay Dying, Count of Monte Christo, Dr Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, Death of A Salesman, Flowers For Algernon, The Great Gatsby, Hedda Gabler, The Killer Angels, Medea, The Trial, The Metamorphases, Macbeth, Of Mice and Men, Our Town, A Streetcar Named Desire, Their Eyes Were Watching God, Where the Red Fern Grows
B R A V E N E W W O R L D

I wish.
I sing, I live.
I die.
It is the Point of No Return.

:: Alina 12:27 AM