:: Purposeful Death Overhead ::

January 26, 2006

3 days till Goucher!

Truthfully, I'm glad to be going back, but kinda funny to be going back to school after 6 weeks. It hit me when Doc Gibbs emailed me saying I need to 2 chem labs next week to make up for not being in honors next semester.
lol...it was like....lalalala shopping...lalala...friends...lalala....
and then school comes and bashes you across the head....

...now that I think about it, school is very much like that 90's anti drug commercial. You know the one. "This is your brain." *smashes eggs with frying pan* "this is your brain on drugs.."
except "drugs" is replaced by "school"...

:: Alina 11:52 PM

Ever close your eyes
ever stop and listen
ever feel alive
and you've nothing missing
you don't need a reason
let the day go on and on

:: Alina 12:14 AM

January 23, 2006

I've been cooped up in Goucher land for too long. Wow...just spent the last 1/2 hour reading thru the IB lunchgroup's livejournals...I'm jealous! Arg! It's been way too long since I've read rants with words I don't understand! Like solipsism! I should know about a theory that basically states that one can only know themselves within the universe. Dammit! My Weltunnchang demands it!

:: Alina 12:48 AM

January 22, 2006

Dopamine: The Romeo and Juliet Syndrome

National Geographic recently released an article entitled "Love: The Chemical Reaction" which explains the anguishes and intricacies of love as based off of dopamine, a hormone that stimulates the passionate "crazy for you" love, or as National Geographic refers to it, a state very similar chemically to obsessive compulsive disorder. Great. What mankind has spent thousands of years idealizing is actually a mental disorder. The other kind of love, the comfortable, cozy familiar kind, is said to have been caused by increased levels of the hormone oxytocin.
Since dopamine is most likely produced by the body in order to increase chances of procreation, while oxytocin does not, I was wondering whether it would be feasible to conduct a study of livespans of people against what age they "fell in love." Dopamine seems to prevail in youth, and since it seems linked to sex, whose cells don't age as do the rest of our bodies (one theory explains that the ends of most chromosomes "telomers" shorten with age - a possible cause?) Is it possible that dopamine itself is linked to retaining youth? Increasing levels of the hormone in the body [a study could be done on levels of dopamine in individuals of different ages, though most likely studies will find that the older the person, the less dopamine they produce. Still, it would really be interesting to find out how much dopamine is produced in people going through the crazy romeo and julietesque love - though hopefully without the suicide part- and whether the levels of the hormone/ increase in hormone are similar throughout age groups] could possible help stop the mechanism that signals cells to stop renewing themselves...or whatever combinations may take place.

But can love really be explained via hormones? It's such a cynical approach to life, that whatever that chaotic turmoil we go through may be, its only caused by our need for sex. If we regard it that way, the "playas" we so despise are really just people that are honest with themselves and others.

:: Alina 11:24 PM

January 20, 2006

Vissi D'arte, Vissi D'amore.... Perché me ne Rimuneri Cosi?


bitch. Fuck.

I woke up at 2 pm today which should've killed my entire day, but was actually quite productive. I finished Ender's shadow.....which was AMAZING. as I was reading the last 100 pgs people kept fucking calling. I hate it so much! I almost didn't anwser the phone. And during Tae Kwon Do my sidekicks were amazing and I was able to do the slow strength training kicks well! Something inside me did a little dance....And then I went swimming which was amazing. And then I came home and practiced the Turkish March a bazzilion times and practiced ze opera music and Faure's "Notre Amour" sounded amazing. And then I got online and checked my email and Serefina had emailed me back about the music scholarship I'm applying for, which is great, and then I found out the guy I've been crazy about for the past 4 months has gotten back together with his ex.

as last year, i anticipate valentine's day to contine being my least favorite holiday.


bitch. fuck.

:: Alina 12:43 AM

January 16, 2006

what is a 6 week vacation doing in the middle of winter?

I find myself, at 1 am, playing DDR during TV commercials while gulping down goldfish crackers [mmm!]

Yep.

Silly, Silly world. And even sillier, the people in it.


okay, so its about 40 minutes later, during which I...er.r....checked facebook. And not for the first time today. And I have a new facebook friend! Which excites me! Except that it shouldn't...at ALL. Earlier today (the first time I checked facebook) Sarah Hardwick requested me as a friend. Okay. Umm....
Sarah Hardwick has never liked me. Which is fine by me, 'cause since I got over "I want to be just like sarah" in (6th grade?) the course of our conversations usually involved tight lipped conversations and fake smiles.

:: Alina 1:15 AM

January, 15, 2006

was supposed to go Georgetown with Josh and Meiselman, but MD weather caught up to us...ended up (very randomly) calling up Russ, who was coming down from Frederick. He picked me up, and we drove down to Va to a small gathering of his friends. This kid drives with his knees going 90 on 495 while smoking and talking on the phone. Yeah. The power went out[of course] and so a bottle of cheap wine and 3 hours later we were playing trivial pursuit/strip poker via candlelight whilst the wind howled and screeched. At one point two of the guys pulled out guitars and a harmonica and improvise while I scatted(anyone from IB english?) along. Good times. Good times.


I just realized I need to plan my summer. Willa sent me a link to an internship, but im wondering if I can do anything at NIH...

:: Alina 4:02 PM

January 11, 2006

another day on break, spent doing....well truthfully, absolutely nothing fruitful. Mind you its a pleasent routine - the waking up whenever I feel like [ which quite honestly averages around 12:3o] and staying up till the wee hours of the night. Thank deus for Tae Kwon Do, or else I would be gaining weight and having even less structure in the almost non - existant schedule that governs Alina's life. I've read a few books - but truthfully, does 7th grade sci - fi really count as literature? And my scrapbook is coming along... It's absurd how many hours I actually spent adding to the thing. I need to go to the gym, and practice my music. Tae kwon do gives some aerobics, but I really need to get in shape. Speaking of Tae Kwon do, a spanish kid in my class hit on me (haha...though no pun intended). The kid's 18, and he's decent looking and nicely built, but hs makes him seem so young...(im old and crusty of course.) Lol, I actually ended up giving him a ride home, at which point he spaced and forgot where he lived. I was driving, and he completely didn't realize we had passed the place where we had to turn off of montgomery village ave. to get to his house. What can I say? My charms work against me sometimes....

I don't completely lack a social life...
I called Juan yesterday, and we ended up on the phone for over an hour. No long meaningful conversations, just mindlessly awesome chatter. We went to see Memoirs of a Geisha that night after Tae Kwon Do. Now with anyone else, this movie might have been considered serious. Nope. Having the entire theatre to ourselves(it was a monday night, mind you) we spent the movie loudly juxtaposing (in a very IB English esque manner) the movie to the inhabitants of Lewis 3. Oy Vey!
Btw, after that movie, I'm officially requiring that Juan take up his own vasectomy fund.
And so we ended up at his house watching celebrity most embarressing moments till 3 am.
Wow, forget what I said before, i really don't have a social life...

:: Alina 2:50 AM

Men are like a fine wine. They start out as grapes, and it's up to women to stomp the shit out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.

:: Alina 12:56 AM

January 4, 2006

I lit a candle -

I couldn't find a regular cake candle
so i lit one that smelled of vanilla,
the kind you'd accoust in an Aromatherapy store,
close your eyes -
and slowly inhale the sweet scent of

the flame twinkled -
but settled into a warm glow
illuminating the smile that faintly traced my lips

"Happy Birthday to me"

I close my eyes
and Wish
another smile (secretive this time, for it holds my dearest desire in it's possession)

blow, blow ye winds from heaven sent!

Happy 19th Alina.

:: Alina 12:04 AM

Jan 3rd, 2006

So leave your taxi waiting
Turn and close my door
And sit back down where you were sitting
A little closer than before
And when you look that serious
It just makes me want you more
And I've been meaning to tell you

the closer you get
the better I feel
the closer you are
the more I see
why everyone says
that I look happier
when you're around....

- Dido

:: Alina 3:37 AM

Jan 1, 2006

Raise a champagne glass and toast
to the ones you love most

New Years Resolutions:

To Learn my music on time
To not procrastinate [as much]
To get into shape [I played Badmiton yesterday and I still can't move my body without pain...]
and hell...
To to seize everyday as it may be my last!
[and not to be too cliche about it.]

Happy New Year everyone.

:: Alina 3:27 AM