:: Purposeful Death Overhead ::

April 24, 2006

Had the most phenomenol workout today, after quite a bout of 1st day cramps, which wonderfully had me prostrated on bed for hours in several hours. Twas not fun....but i woke up, went to dinner, and ended up, oddly enough at the gym.

Guess it's not so odd though, ive been feeling chubby lately, esp. with Matt's latest wonderful comment that he lovingly said as he tried to kiss me:
"Alina, you have a sexy attitute, and you dress the part. You're body just hasn't caught up to your mind yet."
Excuse me?

And the cruise yesterday, which, while wondefully entertaining, and a blast, was quite cringeworthy when i sifted through the boughtful (no pun intended!) of pictures Lindsey, Juan and Liz had taken.

Having, said all this, I've decided on a goal for meself: I'm going to lose 10 pds by the end of finals, which give me roughly a month or to be more precise 24 days, or 3.43 weeks. Hmm. It'll be tough, but I can do it!

:: Alina 9:29 PM

Sunday, april 23, 2006

An Epitaph For a Girl I Never Knew


Cold eyes glare dimly in an
irate misery
Il ya années it était une fleur
Apathetic looks
limp arms
you wont say it...

You'd asked me yesterday
Why
These things happen.
pendant ces années
la fleur s’est developpée
How could they? How could she...
I don't know.

Elle chante, et
Elle avait fleuri dans
les couleurs magnifique

Bodies press in an Embrace -
the only anwser I can provide.
I don't know

No tears.
And yet you're broken.

Et puis, un jour
Elle meurt

:: Alina 4:20 PM

April 21, 2006

The meaning of life is that it ends. That's all.
Make the best of what you've got, just live. Just bloody live.
- mother of a child with Momo syndrome

how much time does each of us have?
It can't be that much.Eighty years maybe?
And only fifty of those are really any good.
- Ethan

Me: "I was looking through some magazine, 'Aging Gracefully in America' or something like that"
My Dermatologist: ...nobody ages gracefully. Just look around you. Look around this office....

:: Alina 9:13 PM

[ Lester Narrating ]
I had always
heard your entire Iife fIashes...
in front of your eyesthe second before you die.

First of all,that one second...
isn't a second at all.
It stretches on forever,
Iike an ocean of time.

For me, it was
Iying on my back...

at Boy Scout camp,watching falling stars.

[ Gunshot ]

And yellow
Ieaves from the mapIe trees...

that Iined our street.

[ Gunshot ]

Or my grandmother's hands
and the way her skin...
seemed Iike paper.

[ Distant Gunshot ]

And the first timeI saw my cousin Tony's...
brand-new Firebird.


[ Panting ]

And Janie.

And Janie.

[ Gasps, Sobs ]

[ Panting ]

[ Grunts, Sobs ]

[ WaiIing ]

And... CaroIyn.

I guess I couId be pretty pissed off
about what happened to me,

but it's hard to stay mad whenthere's so much beauty in the worId.
Sometimes I feeI Iike I'm seeing it all at once and it's too much.

My heart fills up like a balloon
that's about to burst.
And then I rememberto reIax...
and stop trying
to hoId on to it.

And then it fIows
through me Iike rain,

and I can't feeI anythingbut gratitude...
for every singIe moment...
of my stupid IittIe Iife.

You have no idea what
I'm taIking about, I'm sure.

But don't worry.

You will someday.

:: Alina 9:08 PM

April 16th, 2006

AliGUrL: you know, i finished that book i was reading
AliGUrL: and you want to know why he says we don't want to die?
Ender289: why?
AliGUrL: love
AliGUrL: he says that the thirst for immortality is a manifestation of human love
AliGUrL: and its an human innate characteristic to want those we love to be with us
AliGUrL: to live
Ender289: hmm... interesting
AliGUrL: i thought so too
AliGUrL: he actually says that our capacity to love is what makes us noble
AliGUrL: in the end, unreasonable emotion wins over logic
AliGUrL: weirdly true, isn't it?
Ender289: yeah

:: Alina 3:03 PM

April 2nd 2006,


April, Come She Has...


what a beautiful sunday, spent out on the quad studying under clear skies and sunlight. 'Tis truely a glorious thing to be alive.

:: Alina 7:41 PM